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Becoming a Man: The Story of a Transition

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A memoir that is jolting, honest, passionate, and beautifully written (Claudia Rankine), Becoming a Man explores one mans gender transition amid a pivotal political moment in America. Becoming a Man is the striking memoir of P. Carls journey to become the man he always knew himself to be. For fifty years, he lived as a girl and a queer woman, building a career, a life, and “A memoir that is jolting, honest, passionate, and beautifully written” (Claudia Rankine), Becoming a Man explores one man’s gender transition amid a pivotal political moment in America. Becoming a Man is the striking memoir of P. Carl’s journey to become the man he always knew himself to be. For fifty years, he lived as a girl and a queer woman, building a career, a life, and a loving marriage, yet still waiting to realize himself in full. As Carl embarks on his gender transition, he takes us inside the complex shifts and questions that arise throughout—the alternating moments of arrival and estrangement. He writes intimately about how transitioning reconfigures both his own inner experience and his closest bonds—his twenty-year relationship with his wife, Lynette; his already tumultuous relationships with his parents; and seemingly solid friendships that are subtly altered, often painfully and wordlessly. Carl blends the remarkable story of his own personal journey with incisive cultural commentary, writing brilliantly about gender, power, and inequality in America. His transition occurs amid the rise of the Trump administration and the #MeToo movement—a transition point in America’s own story, when transphobia and toxic masculinity are under fire even as they thrive in the highest halls of power. Carl’s quest to become himself and to reckon with his masculinity mirrors, in many ways, the challenge before the country as a whole, to imagine a society where every member can have a vibrant, livable life. Here, through this brave and deeply personal work, Carl brings an unparalleled new voice to this conversation.


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A memoir that is jolting, honest, passionate, and beautifully written (Claudia Rankine), Becoming a Man explores one mans gender transition amid a pivotal political moment in America. Becoming a Man is the striking memoir of P. Carls journey to become the man he always knew himself to be. For fifty years, he lived as a girl and a queer woman, building a career, a life, and “A memoir that is jolting, honest, passionate, and beautifully written” (Claudia Rankine), Becoming a Man explores one man’s gender transition amid a pivotal political moment in America. Becoming a Man is the striking memoir of P. Carl’s journey to become the man he always knew himself to be. For fifty years, he lived as a girl and a queer woman, building a career, a life, and a loving marriage, yet still waiting to realize himself in full. As Carl embarks on his gender transition, he takes us inside the complex shifts and questions that arise throughout—the alternating moments of arrival and estrangement. He writes intimately about how transitioning reconfigures both his own inner experience and his closest bonds—his twenty-year relationship with his wife, Lynette; his already tumultuous relationships with his parents; and seemingly solid friendships that are subtly altered, often painfully and wordlessly. Carl blends the remarkable story of his own personal journey with incisive cultural commentary, writing brilliantly about gender, power, and inequality in America. His transition occurs amid the rise of the Trump administration and the #MeToo movement—a transition point in America’s own story, when transphobia and toxic masculinity are under fire even as they thrive in the highest halls of power. Carl’s quest to become himself and to reckon with his masculinity mirrors, in many ways, the challenge before the country as a whole, to imagine a society where every member can have a vibrant, livable life. Here, through this brave and deeply personal work, Carl brings an unparalleled new voice to this conversation.

30 review for Becoming a Man: The Story of a Transition

  1. 4 out of 5

    Dawn Michelle

    I knew about a 1/3 of the way into this book, that I was going to have a tough time reviewing it. Not because it is awful, because it is far from that. This is one of the best, and most comprehensive books I have read about a person in transition. And not even because it goes into the medical parts of it [though that is discussed some], but because it goes to the heart and soul of what it is like to be one gender [and know for years that it is the wrong one] and then one day wake up, decide that I knew about a 1/3 of the way into this book, that I was going to have a tough time reviewing it. Not because it is awful, because it is far from that. This is one of the best, and most comprehensive books I have read about a person in transition. And not even because it goes into the medical parts of it [though that is discussed some], but because it goes to the heart and soul of what it is like to be one gender [and know for years that it is the wrong one] and then one day wake up, decide that you cannot live that lie anymore and move forward into your new life - with all the pain and disappointment and anger and ALL the emotions that go with it. This broke that down in such a way that I was weeping through a lot of it. I had made he assumption [incorrectly] when I requested this that this book would be similar to Janet Mock's book and I was so very wrong. And that is what I get for assuming. I assure you that I will not be making that mistake again. I am not gay, queer, nor have I ever wanted to identify as anything but female, so there are parts of this book that are really tough for me to both read and understand [I spent a good chunk of the book hashing ideas and what was going on out with my mom. She was my sounding board and I tried to figure out just what Carl was saying]. If you have never lived in that space, you cannot even begin to understand what someone goes through - and as I read through this book, I realized, that even if you ARE living through that, your experience will never be the same as another person who is making a similar journey. But as I read [and struggled to comprehend], I learned a lot - both about the author, the process, and also about myself and my capacity to dive in and keep going, even when I have NO CLUE about what I am reading [that evened out as the book went on because Carl explains himself at times and that really helped]. And I found myself rooting for Carl and his transition. I found myself rooting for his and Lynette's marriage. I wanted him to heal from a childhood that was marked with abuse and neglect and anger. And I found I wanted to be friends with him - he is exactly the kind of guy friend I have always gravitated to [and I am blessed with several really amazing male friends]. And I found that I loved his story - even with the whole mess that a lot of it is. He is brutally honest in this, even about how he struggles with white masculinity and the negative connotations of that, and that is extremely refreshing. This is a great book to read if you want a first hand account on what it is like to go from one gender to another and all the love and support, and anger, and isolation etc that goes along with it - I am a different person because of this book and I hope that it has made me a better and more empathetic person as well. Thank you to NetGalley and Simon & Schuster for providing this ARC in exchange for an honest review.

  2. 5 out of 5

    Laura

    This book utterly floored me. Carl transitioned at 51, after a lifetime of knowing himself as a man but not living as one. The agility, humility, and self-analysis in this book is just brilliant. It's a book about wresting with masculinity, in all its ugly and benign forms. Carl interrogates how it felt to live as a woman, and all the complexities of how that life affected his experience of manhood. There is so much nuance and uncertainty and contradiction herehes willing to tell a lot of messy This book utterly floored me. Carl transitioned at 51, after a lifetime of knowing himself as a man but not living as one. The agility, humility, and self-analysis in this book is just brilliant. It's a book about wresting with masculinity, in all its ugly and benign forms. Carl interrogates how it felt to live as a woman, and all the complexities of how that life affected his experience of manhood. There is so much nuance and uncertainty and contradiction here—he’s willing to tell a lot of messy truths, and the result is a book that’s one specific story of one particular trans life, but also a book that gets at all the crooks and crannies of identity. This book also has some of the clearest and most breathtaking writing about bodies—and the ways that truth, knowledge, identity, trauma, history and experience live in bodies—that I’ve ever read. A section of this memoir recounts how his transition affected his marriage, and those parts were painful to read. What amazed me was how many angles he was able to illuminate, even about something so intimate. He gets right to the heart of transphobia in queer communities, especially lesbian ones. But he also writes about the very real ways maleness and masculinity can harm women, and the complexity of how that plays out in queer relationships. It left me with a whole lot to chew on. There are many gorgeous and smart lines throughout the whole thing, but here's one that will stay with me a long time: “We are still here together because we are holding on to the knowing that multiple truths, and multiple bodies, are possible.” In may ways, this book is a celebration of multiple truths, of the multiplicity of lives lived in one body, the multiplicity of bodies that one life can hold, of all the possibilities that exist in the complexity of human experience. Also, brilliant, moving audio, narrated by the author. It is not a long listen (just over five hours) and worth every minute.

  3. 5 out of 5

    Natalie

    Thank you to Emily who sent me this book!! As a continuation of the 2019 goal, in 2020 I am trying to read more trans authors, especially trans masculine nonfiction. P. Carl has an engaging story that I at times related to, and most of the time did not (which is not a bad thing, obviously) . I enjoyed the writing, I thought it was very strong, and contained the multitudes of the human experience. I particularly liked the letter to his wife and the chapter about the role of daughters. My only Thank you to Emily who sent me this book!! As a continuation of the 2019 goal, in 2020 I am trying to read more trans authors, especially trans masculine nonfiction. P. Carl has an engaging story that I at times related to, and most of the time did not (which is not a bad thing, obviously) . I enjoyed the writing, I thought it was very strong, and contained the multitudes of the human experience. I particularly liked the letter to his wife and the chapter about the role of daughters. My only complaint was that it was compared to Maggie Nelson who is one of my favorite authors, and although he analyzes her work at one point, I did not feel like he reached Maggie Nelson's level. He did incorporate feminist theory to his work at times, but it read much more like a straight (hehe) memoir then Maggie Nelson ever does. He mostly references it in passing rather than engages with it. Overall, a good memoir.

  4. 5 out of 5

    Amanda Van Parys

    Read this in one day. The writing is so clear and engaging. Quite good.

  5. 5 out of 5

    Ellen

    I rarely read nonfiction. This book was FANTASTIC. Honest and raw, amazing. I'm so thankful for this author, that he's still alive, and that he shared this book with us. A must read for anyone thinking/wanting to know more about gender, sexuality, what it means to be a woman, to be a man.

  6. 5 out of 5

    Dana

    P. Carl's becoming a man is "a book about changing a name, a life, and a gender - about crossing a seemingly indistinguishable line and all the implications of that crossing" . . Becoming A Man - The Story Of Transition is powerful. P. Carl's memoir is truly eye opening on so many levels and I learned so much. Things I thought I knew, things I hadn't thought of. I have been educated by the words on these pages. I know I've said it before but I'll say it again. I am forever amazed by the ability to P. Carl's becoming a man is "a book about changing a name, a life, and a gender - about crossing a seemingly indistinguishable line and all the implications of that crossing" . . Becoming A Man - The Story Of Transition is powerful. P. Carl's memoir is truly eye opening on so many levels and I learned so much. Things I thought I knew, things I hadn't thought of. I have been educated by the words on these pages. I know I've said it before but I'll say it again. I am forever amazed by the ability to let us (many complete strangers) into your life, to share your story and your truth. Thank you for opening yourself up to us. . . A huge thank you to Simon & Schuster Canada for my advance copy.

  7. 5 out of 5

    Karen

    I plan to come back and give a thorough review at some point, but I can't just leave 5 stars and walk away like I do with other books. This book is not long, but it took me over three weeks to read. That's not normal for me. I usually read a book in less than a week. It was hard to read, though. Not because it was bad! It was the opposite! It was so good! But it was so painfully true and, honestly, painfully relatable. I need to process this book and come back to review. If you read this before I plan to come back and give a thorough review at some point, but I can't just leave 5 stars and walk away like I do with other books. This book is not long, but it took me over three weeks to read. That's not normal for me. I usually read a book in less than a week. It was hard to read, though. Not because it was bad! It was the opposite! It was so good! But it was so painfully true and, honestly, painfully relatable. I need to process this book and come back to review. If you read this before I'm able to do that, just take my review as positive and read the book.

  8. 5 out of 5

    Kayla Goggin

    I guess I just dont think the things P. Carl has to say about masculinity are as interesting as P. Carl thinks they are. I guess I just don’t think the things P. Carl has to say about masculinity are as interesting as P. Carl thinks they are.

  9. 5 out of 5

    Erik

    "Becoming a Man" in 2020 America is anything but straight-forward. What does transitioning mean for a man, previously in a lesbian relationship of 20 years, who finally feels good in his body but also recognizes the complications that this embrace of masculinity entails? In "Becoming a Man: The Story of a Transition," P. Carl outlines his transition and reflects on his experiences of gender dysphoria growing up, his fraught relationship with his parents, and what this all means for his "Becoming a Man" in 2020 America is anything but straight-forward. What does transitioning mean for a man, previously in a lesbian relationship of 20 years, who finally feels good in his body but also recognizes the complications that this embrace of masculinity entails? In "Becoming a Man: The Story of a Transition," P. Carl outlines his transition and reflects on his experiences of gender dysphoria growing up, his fraught relationship with his parents, and what this all means for his relationship to masculinity. Unafraid to go deep and discuss conflict, Carl addresses the privileges that come with white masculinity, and the real dangers faced by women in the U.S. - even going into detail about his own experience of sexual assault prior to his transition. A book that is still working itself out, much in the same way Carl is still working out his own relationship to masculinity, at times the book feels unbound, unsettled, and lacking material ground; its best parts come when he narrates through his stories, but the book unfortunately falters when his own self-reflections become a bit too longwinded. Another good book on the tension faced by trans men, "Becoming a Man" is worth the read.

  10. 4 out of 5

    James

    A modern essential read for trans men transitioning later in life. It is difficult to imagine transitioning at the age of 50, but Carl gives voice to that experience, and it is an amazing, fascinating, sometimes a little painful thing to read. The quality of the writing is great, although at times meandering. People with a gender or queer studies background may have a slight advantage, but I don't have that and still enjoyed this very much. I really appreciated that he talked about the anger he A modern essential read for trans men transitioning later in life. It is difficult to imagine transitioning at the age of 50, but Carl gives voice to that experience, and it is an amazing, fascinating, sometimes a little painful thing to read. The quality of the writing is great, although at times meandering. People with a gender or queer studies background may have a slight advantage, but I don't have that and still enjoyed this very much. I really appreciated that he talked about the anger he felt growing up being perceived as the incorrect gender. I identify strongly with that. The book goes far beyond the cliche language used to talk about transgender experiences. It's useful to learn the additional vocabulary and would help cisgender people understand the moment-to-moment lived experience better. Reconciling his lived experiences as being seen as a woman with his life as a man...that was helpful to me, because I still have trouble with what to do with all those years of knowledge and experience that I find so shameful, painful, and hard to talk about. It's comforting to know that I am not alone in that. Overall, I would definitely recommend for trans, especially trans masculine, readers and for those questioning their gender, especially those over 40-ish. I think many cisgender readers would struggle with it, but it would be a productive struggle. Would pair well with or instead of "The Man They Wanted Me to Be" by Jared Yates Sexton.

  11. 4 out of 5

    Nadia

    This was one of the more complex and well-written trans memoirs that I've read, and I have found myself reflecting back on it several times throughout reading it. Having transitioned later in life, P. Carl does a good job of explaining the ways in which he was always a man, and the ways in which he lived and was perceived a woman for most of his life. He approaches gender as binary, though acknowledges that that is not everyone's truth. He resists a queer identity, which was very interesting to This was one of the more complex and well-written trans memoirs that I've read, and I have found myself reflecting back on it several times throughout reading it. Having transitioned later in life, P. Carl does a good job of explaining the ways in which he was always a man, and the ways in which he lived and was perceived a woman for most of his life. He approaches gender as binary, though acknowledges that that is not everyone's truth. He resists a queer identity, which was very interesting to read about, and which you won't begrudge, as he explains himself thoughtfully and honestly, in a manner which doesn't evade the complexity of his beliefs and truths. I admit that when he spoke about his anger at the ways in which his story has become his wife's, I had already been wondering what his wife's experience was, and had to interrogate the reasons why. It was a good reminder for me, and one which made me consider the reasons behind that shift in alliance, even as he explained and defended it himself. I hope more people read this, so I can continue to discuss and process all that this account has offered.

  12. 4 out of 5

    Abena Oworae

    P. Carl takes readers on an intimate journey into the inner world of his transition. Its the story of a man who begins his transition in his fifties and contends with the way coming out affects his well established relationships with family, friends, colleagues, his wife, and himself. Carl gives us his thoughts on binary trans identity and challenges the perceived limits and misconceptions of this experience. What does it mean to embrace white manhood openly? How did being perceived as a woman P. Carl takes readers on an intimate journey into the inner world of his transition. It’s the story of a man who begins his transition in his fifties and contends with the way coming out affects his well established relationships with family, friends, colleagues, his wife, and himself. Carl gives us his thoughts on binary trans identity and challenges the perceived limits and misconceptions of this experience. What does it mean to embrace white manhood openly? How did being perceived as a woman for the majority of his life affect how he constructs this manhood? Carl gives us his ideas on the matter two years into transition. There aren’t any easy answers; some of the ideas feel like starting points. It’s also the story of identity and the way it changes while staying the same. The book is beautifully written, rich with description. It takes place in several different locations and reads like a book of related vignettes that allow the reader to put together the puzzle that is the life of P. Carl. There’s talk of transition, issues with mental health, abuse, family dysfunction, marital conflict. This memoir is raw and powerful.

  13. 4 out of 5

    Barbara

    Deeply moving story of a person who transitioned to male at age 50. He spent 50 years in his body that was assigned female gender at birth, yet knew from a very early age that his body was not a match for his authentic self. His transition decision complicates his terrible relationship with his parents. His mother is suffering from dementia and doesn't understand where "her daughter" has gone. His father sounds like the most annoying, aggressive, self-absorbed Neanderthal man you could imagine. Deeply moving story of a person who transitioned to male at age 50. He spent 50 years in his body that was assigned female gender at birth, yet knew from a very early age that his body was not a match for his authentic self. His transition decision complicates his terrible relationship with his parents. His mother is suffering from dementia and doesn't understand where "her daughter" has gone. His father sounds like the most annoying, aggressive, self-absorbed Neanderthal man you could imagine. His transition decision feels like a betrayal to his lesbian wife of 20 years. He had previously identified as a mostly masculine lesbian and his wife was 100% certain that she wanted to spend her life with another woman, not a man. But then there's 20 years of love to consider. This book also includes a perspective on the Trump administration and the #MeToo movement. Fascinating memoir, thought-provoking.

  14. 4 out of 5

    Jules

    I was enthralled by P. Carl's honest fiercely honest and accessible memoir of transition. After 50 years of "living as a white Midwestern woman," P. Carl risked his wife, family, friends, and a successful career to launch a journey into accepting his true self, something most of us are too afraid to do. He opens up his life as he grapples with what it means to transition from a queer woman into a straight white man, upper-middle class man in Trump's America. He explores his experiences with I was enthralled by P. Carl's honest fiercely honest and accessible memoir of transition. After 50 years of "living as a white Midwestern woman," P. Carl risked his wife, family, friends, and a successful career to launch a journey into accepting his true self, something most of us are too afraid to do. He opens up his life as he grapples with what it means to transition from a queer woman into a straight white man, upper-middle class man in Trump's America. He explores his experiences with gender, violence, masculinity, transphobia, race, love, politics, family, and mental and physical health. What does it mean to enjoy privileged masculine spaces? How does transitioning reconstruct ones inner experience and the experience of his closest family and friends? Is it possible to live the life you've always dreamed of? I highly recommend this book and I wish more authors took the risk of being so honest.

  15. 5 out of 5

    Ifedayo

    Interesting story of Carl, a transman, who transitions in his 50s. Appreciated the honesty and unvarnished look at the effect his transition had on his wife, mental state and family. It seemed to me though that he seemed to have a 1960s or a 10 year old boys idea of what a man or a "man's man' as he sometimes describes himself should be: liking sports, denigrating women, drinking beer. The book is quite steeped in gender theory, but rather than perceiving gender as performative, he tends to Interesting story of Carl, a transman, who transitions in his 50s. Appreciated the honesty and unvarnished look at the effect his transition had on his wife, mental state and family. It seemed to me though that he seemed to have a 1960s or a 10 year old boys idea of what a man or a "man's man' as he sometimes describes himself should be: liking sports, denigrating women, drinking beer. The book is quite steeped in gender theory, but rather than perceiving gender as performative, he tends to reify it. Admittedly, he points his own contradictions and his ambivalence towards toxic masculinity. Although at other times, he jumps on his high horse and begins to lecture all genders on how to be better versions of themselves based on his fixed idea of how they should behave.

  16. 5 out of 5

    Nelda Brangwin

    By writing this book about transitioning from a woman to a man, P. Carl taught me so much. He shares his feeling and talks about how he was his mothers little girl and how he always would be, even though as a lesbian he married a woman. He talks about what it was like for his wife in the transition, but most importantly he talks about what he has learned about the privilege of white men, and how hard it is to be a good man. Unfortunately, the people who most need to read this book, those who By writing this book about transitioning from a woman to a man, P. Carl taught me so much. He shares his feeling and talks about how he was his mother’s little girl and how he always would be, even though as a lesbian he married a woman. He talks about what it was like for his wife in the transition, but most importantly he talks about what he has learned about the privilege of white men, and how hard it is to be a good man. Unfortunately, the people who most need to read this book, those who condemn P. Carl’s lifestyle, won’t. They won’t make it through the first part of the book where Carl talks gives examples of white man privilege in the Kavanaugh’s Supreme Court hearings.

  17. 5 out of 5

    Kelly Farquharson Bevens

    Thank you for sharing your story, Carl. It was honest, raw, insightful, and poetic. I love how the ending becomes literary in nature, moving out of the memoir a bit, but beautifully weaving the two together. I appreciate the political statements throughout and agree wholeheartedly with them. My hope is that many, many people read this and expand their world views to help curtail the damage being done to transgender youth and the trans community at large.

  18. 5 out of 5

    Jen

    I dont know how many stars to give this book. Carls memoir is about his family, his marriage, his struggle with gender roles, and the effects of his transition to becoming a man. Its completely out of my wheelhouse but, as a teacher, Ive noticed a growing number of students asking to be called a different gendered name and I wanted to understand it more. I still have a ways to go, and this book had more to offer than just gender transitions. I don’t know how many stars to give this book. Carl’s memoir is about his family, his marriage, his struggle with gender roles, and the effects of his transition to becoming a man. It’s completely out of my wheelhouse but, as a teacher, I’ve noticed a growing number of students asking to be called a different gendered name and I wanted to understand it more. I still have a ways to go, and this book had more to offer than just gender transitions.

  19. 4 out of 5

    Pam

    An absorbing memoir by P. Carl about transitioning to male after nearly fifty years in a body that was assigned female at birth. This transition is not solely physical, but involves social, emotional, and psychological change as well; one of the major changes is the relationship with his wife of nearly twenty years.

  20. 4 out of 5

    Tara Mallick

    I read this book over the course of two evenings and I highly recommend it. It's a memoir about a man who transitioned from Polly to Carl and is coming to terms with becoming a white male after living most of his life as a female suffering at the hands of men. It's also about family, loss and figuring out he dual roles each one of us plays. Well-written, fluid and honest.

  21. 5 out of 5

    Kirsten

    I learned so much from this book! Powerful and insightful. Really essential observations not just about the transgender experience, but more broadly, what it's like to move through the world as a man and inhabit male spaces. I learned so much from this book! Powerful and insightful. Really essential observations – not just about the transgender experience, but more broadly, what it's like to move through the world as a man and inhabit male spaces.

  22. 5 out of 5

    Sarah

    Not quite what I was anticipating, but a rather poetic and eye-opening view of what it's like to transition later in life. Full review: https://sarahsreads.home.blog/2020/01...

  23. 5 out of 5

    Jackie Snow

    Moving, well-written memoir of a transition from someone who spent 50 years of thinking about gender from an academic lens. When he wrote about his family, it touched some bruised spots of my psyche I didn't even know I had!

  24. 5 out of 5

    Allison Altepeter

    So informative, fascinating, and revealing. Made me consider anew my own thoughts on gender and how I relate to the world and others. Some paragraphs felt disjointed, almost like stream of consciousness writing, which left me slightly off balance and confused. Otherwise, highly recommend.

  25. 4 out of 5

    Kari

    Bleh. I dont understand the high ratings of this book. I found it a boring, rambling mess. For a better book on this topic, read Trans Mission: My Quest to a Beard by Alex Bertie instead. That one was genuinely interesting. Bleh. I don’t understand the high ratings of this book. I found it a boring, rambling mess. For a better book on this topic, read “Trans Mission: My Quest to a Beard” by Alex Bertie instead. That one was genuinely interesting.

  26. 4 out of 5

    Stephanie

    A memoir that is also a deep reflection on what it means to be a man. While a completely different story and take on the topic of masculinity, it also evokes (for me) Paul Monette's Becoming a Man.

  27. 5 out of 5

    Khay

    Thooughtprovoking, well-written, Discusses such heavy topics but still doesn't feel you know.

  28. 5 out of 5

    Thomas

    Interesting book. A transition that causes great happiness and also sadness! Also, how society treats men so differently than women.

  29. 5 out of 5

    Sue

    I hadn't actually been looking for another memoir on gender change, but the NYT review made this sound particularly intriguing. ... Intense. Raises aspects of gender change I hadn't thought about or been aware of before. I read several chapters.

  30. 4 out of 5

    Bob

    A landmark work of trans formation This book should become required reading for all those in mental health, education and medical careers. It is so much more than a memoir of transition. I now have a much deeper and clearer understanding of the multitude of factors that define gender, and determine psychosexual development. It is a work that is profoundly personal, and at the same time it highlights factors of the human condition that are universal. A wonderful achievement!

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