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The Manager Mom Epidemic: How Moms Got Stuck Doing Everything for Their Families and What They Can Do About It

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Are you a mom who does it all? This is the book for you. It's impossible to deny—most moms continue to do way more household work and childcare than most dads. Working full time, raising kids, cooking dinner, making sure every appointment and activity is lined up and that everyone gets there on time... no wonder you're tired! But despite all the books and articles Are you a mom who does it all? This is the book for you. It's impossible to deny—most moms continue to do way more household work and childcare than most dads. Working full time, raising kids, cooking dinner, making sure every appointment and activity is lined up and that everyone gets there on time... no wonder you're tired! But despite all the books and articles lamenting the crushing mental load and emotional labor women bear for their families, no one has come up with a plan to actually make things change. Until now.The Manager Mom Epidemic is the first book that not only acknowledges the fact that moms are burning out, but shows you how to transfer responsibility for daily tasks from yourself to your partner and also (gasp!) your kids. Clinical psychologist and child discipline expert Thomas W. Phelan, PhD explains how we got into this mess in the first place, and how we can get out of it through a calm, systematic approach to teaching our families how to take initiative and contribute in meaningful ways. Dr. Phelan walks you through real-life situations and shows you how to step back from the things that are dragging you down. For example: Your Maternal Identity—the things you tell yourself you have to do in order to be a "good" mom The oppressive trap of chronic supervision Our society's curious underestimation of children's capabilities How to eliminate primary childcare with tweens and teens How to manager resistant or traditionalist dads Realistic and simple enough to implement in your home right away, The Manager Mom Epidemic provides a roadmap for you to take your life back and proves that the happiest families share the work and the fun equally.


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Are you a mom who does it all? This is the book for you. It's impossible to deny—most moms continue to do way more household work and childcare than most dads. Working full time, raising kids, cooking dinner, making sure every appointment and activity is lined up and that everyone gets there on time... no wonder you're tired! But despite all the books and articles Are you a mom who does it all? This is the book for you. It's impossible to deny—most moms continue to do way more household work and childcare than most dads. Working full time, raising kids, cooking dinner, making sure every appointment and activity is lined up and that everyone gets there on time... no wonder you're tired! But despite all the books and articles lamenting the crushing mental load and emotional labor women bear for their families, no one has come up with a plan to actually make things change. Until now.The Manager Mom Epidemic is the first book that not only acknowledges the fact that moms are burning out, but shows you how to transfer responsibility for daily tasks from yourself to your partner and also (gasp!) your kids. Clinical psychologist and child discipline expert Thomas W. Phelan, PhD explains how we got into this mess in the first place, and how we can get out of it through a calm, systematic approach to teaching our families how to take initiative and contribute in meaningful ways. Dr. Phelan walks you through real-life situations and shows you how to step back from the things that are dragging you down. For example: Your Maternal Identity—the things you tell yourself you have to do in order to be a "good" mom The oppressive trap of chronic supervision Our society's curious underestimation of children's capabilities How to eliminate primary childcare with tweens and teens How to manager resistant or traditionalist dads Realistic and simple enough to implement in your home right away, The Manager Mom Epidemic provides a roadmap for you to take your life back and proves that the happiest families share the work and the fun equally.

41 review for The Manager Mom Epidemic: How Moms Got Stuck Doing Everything for Their Families and What They Can Do About It

  1. 4 out of 5

    Morgan Schulman

    I received in advance reader copy in exchange for an honest review I was all cool cool until I got to the part about making your children do their homework causing ODD Seriously though I really related to the mothers in this book. I’m clearly one of them, which is why am reading it. But the book contains an existential paradox: in order for the change to happen, everyone besides the mom needs to be willing to change. And to be real, if moms knew how to make everyone else in their family change, I received in advance reader copy in exchange for an honest review I was all cool cool until I got to the part about making your children do their homework causing ODD 🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪 Seriously though I really related to the mothers in this book. I’m clearly one of them, which is why am reading it. But the book contains an existential paradox: in order for the change to happen, everyone besides the mom needs to be willing to change. And to be real, if moms knew how to make everyone else in their family change, they wouldn’t need this book. The author of this book is not a mother, he’s a dad. He likely has no idea how much work it takes to get a husband and children do things that they don’t want to do. What often gets lost in these discussions is this essential truth – we don’t want to do this shit. We’re not being martyrs because we feel like it. We would so much rather if y’all did that shit. But you don’t. So were pissed. But we have to do it because it has to get done. And y’all know that if you don’t do it eventually we will do it, because it has to get done. And we know that there will be consequences if it doesn’t get done. And the consequences will affect us just as deeply as it will effect y’all. So we do it because we don’t want to get taken under because y’all are trash and lazy. That’s that; that’s my manifesto. Husband and Children are Lazy Trash: Coming Summer 2020. Look for it

  2. 4 out of 5

    Julia

    I enjoyed this book about the role moms play in households - and how to change it in a healthy way. A lot of books about women rising (eg. Lean In and others) talk about household responsibilities and "emotional burden" for women needing to shift, but give very little practical advice on how to actually do it. Thomas Phelan gives very practical advice on the way forward - that honours women and their families. Great, simple and practical read!

  3. 5 out of 5

    Carrie

    This may have helped me more ten years ago. At least it’s not just me.

  4. 4 out of 5

    Cat Placencia

    Very practical guide for hands-on tips and scenarios in family responsibility distribution for moms with older (at least Pre-K or elementary-age) kiddos! Life with babies and toddlers is mentioned, but the book does presume a lot of capability of kids able to take weight off mom. Definitely inspires me to read more of author, Thomas Phelan. Highlights: -Few sentence summaries at the end of each chapter that drive the chapter contents home - great for busy mamas! -Simple background on Equal Very practical guide for hands-on tips and scenarios in family responsibility distribution for moms with older (at least Pre-K or elementary-age) kiddos! Life with babies and toddlers is mentioned, but the book does presume a lot of capability of kids able to take weight off mom. Definitely inspires me to read more of author, Thomas Phelan.  Highlights:  -Few sentence summaries at the end of each chapter that drive the chapter contents home - great for busy mamas!  -Simple background on Equal Suffering Law motivating why people want relationships with equal workloads and notes on the "Emotional Labor" that mom takes on -VERY practical for families with elementary years children and beyond  -The maternal identity "Mommy ID" information - very relatable! Broke down certain parts of identities as moms that are tempting to hold on, but WHY they should be dismantled and what benefits it would bring you to dismantle  -Eliminating "Automatic Talking" = the constant guiding language that we give our kids (that they don't really need most of the time) -The letter template for Mom's Declaration of Independence -Using kids as witnesses to put some pressure on Resistant Dads to complete tasks, and did so without jeopardizing the united front stance for parents, which was helpful -Dividing the family into kid-parent (usually 2-people) groups to not only provide a child quality bonding with one parent - something kids yearn for, but also quality training for the kids into their new responsibilities   Challenges:  -Doesn't consider the full socialization of gender norms and moms taking on so much (again, a minor challenge with the book since it is emphasized that the book's purpose is to be practical steps! Not a historic deep dive) -Written from a very "nuclear family: mom, dad, kids" and research derived from white families (which most is at the moment). Phelan mentions the book's principles are written with a mom/dad two-parent family so he recognized the deficit for family structures w two moms, two dads, single parents, etc. in the intro briefly.  -The buzz words that Phelan creates, my guess, in hopes of having easy-to-remember action steps were helpful, but the amount of them could be difficult to remember. My advice is to write down 2-3 that resonate with you and really focus on what you need most when you need it. For those wanting a very academic take of more research behind why women take on so much in the house and the damage that can cause with marriages (discusses queer relationships a little bit more than this book also), I'm halfway through All the Rage: Mothers, Fathers, and the Myth of Equal Partnership. Haven't seen much practical steps into HOW to handle this issue, so that book and Manager Mom Epidemic might make the perfect pair - both still with some room for practical steps in moms getting help during infancy and toddler years.  Pre-release I received an Advance Reader for an honest review. 

  5. 4 out of 5

    Amanda

    The book did have some good suggestions, but I felt that the male author was in places talking down to the reader mother and blaming her for situations. There was a big focus on kids' independence, which will work for older kids like described in the book but not as much for early grade school or younger. The book has examples of families where mom passed along duties to dad and/or kids, and some of them go on and on in details. Lots of focus on kids doing their own laundry. I just didn't take The book did have some good suggestions, but I felt that the male author was in places talking down to the reader mother and blaming her for situations. There was a big focus on kids' independence, which will work for older kids like described in the book but not as much for early grade school or younger. The book has examples of families where mom passed along duties to dad and/or kids, and some of them go on and on in details. Lots of focus on kids doing their own laundry. I just didn't take away from this as much or what I was expecting. I received an ARC in exchange for an honest review.

  6. 5 out of 5

    Mandy

    This book seems like it is geared toward parents of older children. My early-childhood age child wouldn't benefit much from these strategies. I also take issue with a male author discussing how mothers feel. . . but I'm trying to see past that.

  7. 5 out of 5

    Sharon Leger

    Biggest take-away: your kids can be more or less independent by age 9 and the importance of delegation.

  8. 4 out of 5

    Julia

    A lot of the parental labor sharing/gender role stuff was harsh and heavy handed but it had genuinely good advice for parents about helping kids develop life skills and independence.

  9. 4 out of 5

    Kimberly Mccune

    2.5/5 I have so many thoughts on this one. Full review coming later today.

  10. 5 out of 5

    Jennifer Stanley

    When I read the description of this book, I was very intrigued and could not wait to read it. As a mom who is a manager in her job, I wanted to see what kind of information I could use to help me with work-stress and home-stress. Unfortunately, I did not find any of that information in this book. It is obvious that the author, a man, does not have a true understand of what it is like to be a "manager mom". The suggestions in this book are simply outrageous, such as, making your children do When I read the description of this book, I was very intrigued and could not wait to read it. As a mom who is a manager in her job, I wanted to see what kind of information I could use to help me with work-stress and home-stress. Unfortunately, I did not find any of that information in this book. It is obvious that the author, a man, does not have a true understand of what it is like to be a "manager mom". The suggestions in this book are simply outrageous, such as, making your children do homework causes ODD. As a parent to a child with ODD, I would have enjoyed some research to back up his claim because I find that particular bit of information ridiculous. Thank you to Netgalley for the chance to read this title as an Advance Reader Copy.

  11. 4 out of 5

    Nicoletta LaSirenissima

    As a working mother of Two, married with two paid jobs I often feel like I am only nagging on my family, never satisfied with our life an always questioning what is going wrong. I already read a lot books on that subject, but this on is special. In very short chapters the authors shows you how it usually goes and then if you work on yourself and on letting go of the old ways, maybe get the chance to leave the vicious circle, that is so tiresome for everybody. I really enjoyed reading this book, As a working mother of Two, married with two paid jobs I often feel like I am only nagging on my family, never satisfied with our life an always questioning what is going wrong. I already read a lot books on that subject, but this on is special. In very short chapters the authors shows you how it usually goes and then if you work on yourself and on letting go of the old ways, maybe get the chance to leave the vicious circle, that is so tiresome for everybody. I really enjoyed reading this book, because it always helps to have someone to hand you a mirror so you can see what's is going wrong in your relationship, and you got the chance to change it.

  12. 4 out of 5

    Bookcoffeetravel

    This book is very impressive! As I was reading I was saying to myself that I could use so many of this tips .Family life needs rules and organization to function properly, this book basically describes how it is for millons of families and how the different roles in the family make things work. Mums assume normally the roles of manager mums , losing their identity in the process because what it's at stake is much more important to them: their kids and their families. Great family book, thank you This book is very impressive! As I was reading I was saying to myself that I could use so many of this tips .Family life needs rules and organization to function properly, this book basically describes how it is for millons of families and how the different roles in the family make things work. Mums assume normally the roles of manager mums , losing their identity in the process because what it's at stake is much more important to them: their kids and their families. Great family book, thank you to Netgalley for this advance copy.

  13. 5 out of 5

    Katie

    A much needed book for every mom out there! As a mom of 3 I constantly feel the pressure of all the tasks raising kids and running a household entails. This book spoke so much truth and gave realistic and simple tips to implement in my home to help relieve some of the pressure moms face today!

  14. 4 out of 5

    Amanda Yates

    Loved it!! It is a must read for any mom or someone who wants to be a mom one day. Lots of things to think about in this book.

  15. 4 out of 5

    Traci

  16. 5 out of 5

    Melanie

  17. 4 out of 5

    Carla

  18. 4 out of 5

    Shauna West

  19. 5 out of 5

    Cristie Underwood

  20. 5 out of 5

    Pheriche

  21. 4 out of 5

    Christine

  22. 5 out of 5

    Crystal

  23. 5 out of 5

    Sam

  24. 5 out of 5

    Jillian (PidginPea's Book Nook)

  25. 5 out of 5

    Scfornoffyahoo.Com

  26. 4 out of 5

    Amber

  27. 5 out of 5

    Katharyn

  28. 4 out of 5

    Lewiston Public Library

  29. 4 out of 5

    Rachael Quinn

  30. 5 out of 5

    Hannah

  31. 4 out of 5

    Cheryl

  32. 5 out of 5

    Christina

  33. 4 out of 5

    Heidi

  34. 5 out of 5

    Belmont Library

  35. 4 out of 5

    Kari Esh

  36. 4 out of 5

    Mindee Dubrico

  37. 4 out of 5

    Stephanie

  38. 4 out of 5

    Katie

  39. 5 out of 5

    Kari

  40. 4 out of 5

    Anna Lawless

  41. 4 out of 5

    Misschenhouse

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